"I was conditioned to think that I needed to be perfect; otherwise, I wasn’t worthy of acceptance and love."
This is IT. I was just reflecting on how my imposter syndrome didn't materialize as a result of the treatment I received at certain jobs—rather, it was the reason I pursued and stayed at those types of jobs (and relationships, but that's another story) to begin with. I needed to be perfect, and perfect will always be an impossible target.
I've had similar experiences before 5-15 minute presentations (over Zoom, with notes) when I reached the height of my career as a Creative Director. I would practice obsessively over and over, burst out crying throughout the day, and get very close to bowing out before giving what appeared to be an easy, natural performance and receiving tons of praise. My success never made the next one any easier, it was just a new bar to live up to.
Other people may have a higher window of tolerance because they just don't CARE as much as we do. I've noticed those people aren't particularly good at their jobs, though. The trick, I think, is to care for the right reasons—not because you need to prove that you're enough, but because you have a genuine calling to solve problems. It will still be inherently stressful, but more of it will be that positive type of stress that doesn't screw with our nervous system. And to your point, moving on when the culture is not respectful, let alone balanced, is paramount.
Personally, I wound up with Long Covid. Even then I pushed through 2 years of shortness of breath, crushing fatigue, elevated heart rate (150-170 bpm), digestive issues, and anxiety. I finally got laid off (an ego death, but better than a real one), and became bed ridden. My body was completely shot and made the decision for me. A year has passed and I'm still recovering.
We tend to take our health for granted until we have a big scare like yours, or mine. I hope more people come to understand that we are inherently worthy, and there is as much value in being (how we care for ourselves and show up in the world) as in doing.
Thank you for this excellent, vulnerable contribution to the topic of tech and burnout! I'm going to share it around.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa. Your vulnerability will help others. I'm sorry to hear about the battle with long Covid as well. I went to a regenerative medicine center for another chronic physical condition I was battling, and they've had success with helping people recover from long Covid and/or vaccine injury. https://regenerativemedicinela.com/treatments/long-haul-covid/
I wanted to add that, from personal experience, use of psychedelics may not be the best idea. I find them to be a bit like alcohol-- an attempt to shortcut into trying to feel good, yet they end up doing more damage than good. Of course, your mileage may vary. I'm weary of the use of psychedelics without a trained facilitator, proper reintegration techniques, and healthy + reasonable expectations of what they will or will not do for you. Most people don't have access to these 3 musts (in my book), and may end up worse off.
Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your own personal experience. It’s inspiring to hear that you chose your health over professional demands — health is wealth, after all.
This was very enlightening. I've been working on figuring out my tolerances but never thought of my making a chart out of them to make it easier. I will definitely be referring to this as I work things out. Thank you for this!!
Very interesting. I just reached 6 months of my sabbatical. It’s encouraging to know you took time off and were still able to recalibrate for your next step.
"I was conditioned to think that I needed to be perfect; otherwise, I wasn’t worthy of acceptance and love."
This is IT. I was just reflecting on how my imposter syndrome didn't materialize as a result of the treatment I received at certain jobs—rather, it was the reason I pursued and stayed at those types of jobs (and relationships, but that's another story) to begin with. I needed to be perfect, and perfect will always be an impossible target.
I've had similar experiences before 5-15 minute presentations (over Zoom, with notes) when I reached the height of my career as a Creative Director. I would practice obsessively over and over, burst out crying throughout the day, and get very close to bowing out before giving what appeared to be an easy, natural performance and receiving tons of praise. My success never made the next one any easier, it was just a new bar to live up to.
Other people may have a higher window of tolerance because they just don't CARE as much as we do. I've noticed those people aren't particularly good at their jobs, though. The trick, I think, is to care for the right reasons—not because you need to prove that you're enough, but because you have a genuine calling to solve problems. It will still be inherently stressful, but more of it will be that positive type of stress that doesn't screw with our nervous system. And to your point, moving on when the culture is not respectful, let alone balanced, is paramount.
Personally, I wound up with Long Covid. Even then I pushed through 2 years of shortness of breath, crushing fatigue, elevated heart rate (150-170 bpm), digestive issues, and anxiety. I finally got laid off (an ego death, but better than a real one), and became bed ridden. My body was completely shot and made the decision for me. A year has passed and I'm still recovering.
We tend to take our health for granted until we have a big scare like yours, or mine. I hope more people come to understand that we are inherently worthy, and there is as much value in being (how we care for ourselves and show up in the world) as in doing.
Thank you for this excellent, vulnerable contribution to the topic of tech and burnout! I'm going to share it around.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa. Your vulnerability will help others. I'm sorry to hear about the battle with long Covid as well. I went to a regenerative medicine center for another chronic physical condition I was battling, and they've had success with helping people recover from long Covid and/or vaccine injury. https://regenerativemedicinela.com/treatments/long-haul-covid/
Thank you so much for the kind words and recommendation, Andy. I will definitely check it out. Appreciate you!
I wanted to add that, from personal experience, use of psychedelics may not be the best idea. I find them to be a bit like alcohol-- an attempt to shortcut into trying to feel good, yet they end up doing more damage than good. Of course, your mileage may vary. I'm weary of the use of psychedelics without a trained facilitator, proper reintegration techniques, and healthy + reasonable expectations of what they will or will not do for you. Most people don't have access to these 3 musts (in my book), and may end up worse off.
I agree. They are to be taken seriously and with proper preparation and guidance. Otherwise they shouldn’t be played with.
What a FANTASTIC article! Thank you so much for sharing, you gave me MANY incredible ideas to start implementing.
That's great to hear :)
This article is outstanding - thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your own personal experience. It’s inspiring to hear that you chose your health over professional demands — health is wealth, after all.
This was very enlightening. I've been working on figuring out my tolerances but never thought of my making a chart out of them to make it easier. I will definitely be referring to this as I work things out. Thank you for this!!
Absolutely loved this - the thoughtful framework, practicality, and candor. Hope all‘s still well 2+ years later!
Thank you
Very interesting. I just reached 6 months of my sabbatical. It’s encouraging to know you took time off and were still able to recalibrate for your next step.
That was excellent! Thank you