So I have been working in the US for last 8 years and one thing I note is - somehow Americans love the idea of work. It is like deeply ingrained into them. Back in India, from where I am, the idea of work is to make sure we get some activity done in a day, and then rest of time is spent with family, friends and also pursuing spiritual practices like meditation and studying philosophy.
I understand, due to the work ethic of Americans they have built a country which is most rich and is some sort of super power, but at the same time when I meet with my fellow American coworkers, I see all of them suffering from some sort of neurosis.
Maybe a broader picture of life needs to be presented where “work” is a piece of puzzle and not everything.
"I was conditioned to think that I needed to be perfect; otherwise, I wasn’t worthy of acceptance and love."
This is IT. I was just reflecting on how my imposter syndrome didn't materialize as a result of the treatment I received at certain jobs—rather, it was the reason I pursued and stayed at those types of jobs (and relationships, but that's another story) to begin with. I needed to be perfect, and perfect will always be an impossible target.
I've had similar experiences before 5-15 minute presentations (over Zoom, with notes) when I reached the height of my career as a Creative Director. I would practice obsessively over and over, burst out crying throughout the day, and get very close to bowing out before giving what appeared to be an easy, natural performance and receiving tons of praise. My success never made the next one any easier, it was just a new bar to live up to.
Other people may have a higher window of tolerance because they just don't CARE as much as we do. I've noticed those people aren't particularly good at their jobs, though. The trick, I think, is to care for the right reasons—not because you need to prove that you're enough, but because you have a genuine calling to solve problems. It will still be inherently stressful, but more of it will be that positive type of stress that doesn't screw with our nervous system. And to your point, moving on when the culture is not respectful, let alone balanced, is paramount.
Personally, I wound up with Long Covid. Even then I pushed through 2 years of shortness of breath, crushing fatigue, elevated heart rate (150-170 bpm), digestive issues, and anxiety. I finally got laid off (an ego death, but better than a real one), and became bed ridden. My body was completely shot and made the decision for me. A year has passed and I'm still recovering.
We tend to take our health for granted until we have a big scare like yours, or mine. I hope more people come to understand that we are inherently worthy, and there is as much value in being (how we care for ourselves and show up in the world) as in doing.
Thank you for this excellent, vulnerable contribution to the topic of tech and burnout! I'm going to share it around.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa. Your vulnerability will help others. I'm sorry to hear about the battle with long Covid as well. I went to a regenerative medicine center for another chronic physical condition I was battling, and they've had success with helping people recover from long Covid and/or vaccine injury. https://regenerativemedicinela.com/treatments/long-haul-covid/
I wanted to add that, from personal experience, use of psychedelics may not be the best idea. I find them to be a bit like alcohol-- an attempt to shortcut into trying to feel good, yet they end up doing more damage than good. Of course, your mileage may vary. I'm weary of the use of psychedelics without a trained facilitator, proper reintegration techniques, and healthy + reasonable expectations of what they will or will not do for you. Most people don't have access to these 3 musts (in my book), and may end up worse off.
I wish someone had taught me these things eight years ago. I've spent the last few years balancing working and not ending up with major health complications.
During my first and only sabbatical (now), I'm learning what that tolerance range is.
My biggest concern is future earnings against future cost of living. I have to go back to regular work sooner than I wanted, and my body is already anticipating the stress.
How, this is absolute gold, thank you, Andy. As a CEO that identified with your 50%, I'm going through a bit of a midlife crisis as the momentum of my business grows. This post has SO MUCH VALUE. I'm going to prioritize these exercises immediately. My work success is not worth the weight, grey hairs, and weakening state I feel myself in, even if work is interesting or just all consuming. Way to be part of the solution.
Some very familiar themes in all this. So much so that I’ve saved it down and will re-read. It certainly becomes a bit of a trap when you’re fortunate enough to make a good income and can “harvest” the harder work of your earlier career. It might be easier to walk away from a job you didn’t like which was unfulfilling if you earned an average wage (although you probably couldn’t afford to), there is a greater likelihood that you could find a job which is more rewarding and earn the same pay check. However I feel like I should have a higher threshold (for a job which is a grind) because the fiscal reward is much greater. As a result I find myself trying much harder to balance work (and hence maintaining the income) and everything that’s not work (where you can find nourishment). It’s a fine line.
Lastly, how in the hell do you live on $1k per week? Presume you’re in the US? Isn’t your rent that much? Or maybe mortgage? Insurance? Utilities? Ever take a nice holiday? Presume no kids (or kids private school fees…) or partner or car? Cable tv? Mobile phone?
I keep my life very simple. It's not for everyone, but it is how I like things. I am single and without children. Obviously, my monthly spending would change meaningfully with a family. I have no mortgage or other forms of debt. I drive a Honda Civic and have everyday bills like a cell phone. Part of the year I live in SE Asia, where the cost of living is very low. I can live in Vietnam for $1,000 a month. I cook most of my meals at home so I eat healthy and keep costs down that way. However, I take trips, so my biggest enjoyment expense is flight costs. Moving forward, I'm looking into buying land to grow my food and establish more self-sufficiency. My garden will be my pharmacy, keeping me healthy and away from massive healthcare expenses.
Thank you so much. Wonderful advices. My window of tolerance is pretty small right now, my goals changed, and my meaning of live changed. It is unfortunate that sometimes a huge health challenge can be the reason of all that. I fell with Guillain Barre, which both traumatized me and transformed my life for the better.
Gabor Mate has played a huge role in my healing as well.
Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your own personal experience. It’s inspiring to hear that you chose your health over professional demands — health is wealth, after all.
This is such phenomenal advice. Can’t wait to bake all of these things out for myself as I navigate my future career path. Thank you for your vulnerability! Wishing you lots of health and happiness :)
Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom! Burnout and chronic stress are huge issues I have always struggled with. As an individual contributor, I'm left wondering what suggestions you would offer for those of us who have less control of our work schedules, assignments, and impossible workloads due to layoffs, M&A, and "Lean" business approaches to resources, etc. Thanks.
It's a good question, and I'm not sure there is an "ideal" answer. But my attitude was to live lean, save and invest as much as possible while working, and then seek to exit the rat race as quickly as possible. It still required 15 years of hard work and sacrifice. But it paid off. There were no shortcuts other than to go through hell for a while to earn my way out of it. However, while still in the grind, I think it's essential to have a set of daily practices that help with nervous system regulation (e.g., meditation, hot yoga, nature time, time with friends or loved ones, cooking clean meals, avoiding doom scrolling). Whatever you can to stabilize your nervous system DAILY while still in a stressful career is essential to managing yourself.
So I have been working in the US for last 8 years and one thing I note is - somehow Americans love the idea of work. It is like deeply ingrained into them. Back in India, from where I am, the idea of work is to make sure we get some activity done in a day, and then rest of time is spent with family, friends and also pursuing spiritual practices like meditation and studying philosophy.
I understand, due to the work ethic of Americans they have built a country which is most rich and is some sort of super power, but at the same time when I meet with my fellow American coworkers, I see all of them suffering from some sort of neurosis.
Maybe a broader picture of life needs to be presented where “work” is a piece of puzzle and not everything.
I believe that's absolutely right.
"I was conditioned to think that I needed to be perfect; otherwise, I wasn’t worthy of acceptance and love."
This is IT. I was just reflecting on how my imposter syndrome didn't materialize as a result of the treatment I received at certain jobs—rather, it was the reason I pursued and stayed at those types of jobs (and relationships, but that's another story) to begin with. I needed to be perfect, and perfect will always be an impossible target.
I've had similar experiences before 5-15 minute presentations (over Zoom, with notes) when I reached the height of my career as a Creative Director. I would practice obsessively over and over, burst out crying throughout the day, and get very close to bowing out before giving what appeared to be an easy, natural performance and receiving tons of praise. My success never made the next one any easier, it was just a new bar to live up to.
Other people may have a higher window of tolerance because they just don't CARE as much as we do. I've noticed those people aren't particularly good at their jobs, though. The trick, I think, is to care for the right reasons—not because you need to prove that you're enough, but because you have a genuine calling to solve problems. It will still be inherently stressful, but more of it will be that positive type of stress that doesn't screw with our nervous system. And to your point, moving on when the culture is not respectful, let alone balanced, is paramount.
Personally, I wound up with Long Covid. Even then I pushed through 2 years of shortness of breath, crushing fatigue, elevated heart rate (150-170 bpm), digestive issues, and anxiety. I finally got laid off (an ego death, but better than a real one), and became bed ridden. My body was completely shot and made the decision for me. A year has passed and I'm still recovering.
We tend to take our health for granted until we have a big scare like yours, or mine. I hope more people come to understand that we are inherently worthy, and there is as much value in being (how we care for ourselves and show up in the world) as in doing.
Thank you for this excellent, vulnerable contribution to the topic of tech and burnout! I'm going to share it around.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa. Your vulnerability will help others. I'm sorry to hear about the battle with long Covid as well. I went to a regenerative medicine center for another chronic physical condition I was battling, and they've had success with helping people recover from long Covid and/or vaccine injury. https://regenerativemedicinela.com/treatments/long-haul-covid/
Thank you so much for the kind words and recommendation, Andy. I will definitely check it out. Appreciate you!
I wanted to add that, from personal experience, use of psychedelics may not be the best idea. I find them to be a bit like alcohol-- an attempt to shortcut into trying to feel good, yet they end up doing more damage than good. Of course, your mileage may vary. I'm weary of the use of psychedelics without a trained facilitator, proper reintegration techniques, and healthy + reasonable expectations of what they will or will not do for you. Most people don't have access to these 3 musts (in my book), and may end up worse off.
I agree. They are to be taken seriously and with proper preparation and guidance. Otherwise they shouldn’t be played with.
Remember, from a true grasshopper: by the time you save enough to do what you want, you won't know how.
Indeed!
I wish someone had taught me these things eight years ago. I've spent the last few years balancing working and not ending up with major health complications.
During my first and only sabbatical (now), I'm learning what that tolerance range is.
My biggest concern is future earnings against future cost of living. I have to go back to regular work sooner than I wanted, and my body is already anticipating the stress.
I'm trying to remain positive.
How, this is absolute gold, thank you, Andy. As a CEO that identified with your 50%, I'm going through a bit of a midlife crisis as the momentum of my business grows. This post has SO MUCH VALUE. I'm going to prioritize these exercises immediately. My work success is not worth the weight, grey hairs, and weakening state I feel myself in, even if work is interesting or just all consuming. Way to be part of the solution.
Thank you, Kristin! Our successes don't mean much if we don't have our health.
Some very familiar themes in all this. So much so that I’ve saved it down and will re-read. It certainly becomes a bit of a trap when you’re fortunate enough to make a good income and can “harvest” the harder work of your earlier career. It might be easier to walk away from a job you didn’t like which was unfulfilling if you earned an average wage (although you probably couldn’t afford to), there is a greater likelihood that you could find a job which is more rewarding and earn the same pay check. However I feel like I should have a higher threshold (for a job which is a grind) because the fiscal reward is much greater. As a result I find myself trying much harder to balance work (and hence maintaining the income) and everything that’s not work (where you can find nourishment). It’s a fine line.
Lastly, how in the hell do you live on $1k per week? Presume you’re in the US? Isn’t your rent that much? Or maybe mortgage? Insurance? Utilities? Ever take a nice holiday? Presume no kids (or kids private school fees…) or partner or car? Cable tv? Mobile phone?
I keep my life very simple. It's not for everyone, but it is how I like things. I am single and without children. Obviously, my monthly spending would change meaningfully with a family. I have no mortgage or other forms of debt. I drive a Honda Civic and have everyday bills like a cell phone. Part of the year I live in SE Asia, where the cost of living is very low. I can live in Vietnam for $1,000 a month. I cook most of my meals at home so I eat healthy and keep costs down that way. However, I take trips, so my biggest enjoyment expense is flight costs. Moving forward, I'm looking into buying land to grow my food and establish more self-sufficiency. My garden will be my pharmacy, keeping me healthy and away from massive healthcare expenses.
Thank you so much. Wonderful advices. My window of tolerance is pretty small right now, my goals changed, and my meaning of live changed. It is unfortunate that sometimes a huge health challenge can be the reason of all that. I fell with Guillain Barre, which both traumatized me and transformed my life for the better.
Gabor Mate has played a huge role in my healing as well.
Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your own personal experience. It’s inspiring to hear that you chose your health over professional demands — health is wealth, after all.
Really good
In awe of these frameworks and the use of data visualization applied to personal well-being, healing, dreaming, goal-seeking, and growth!!!
This is such phenomenal advice. Can’t wait to bake all of these things out for myself as I navigate my future career path. Thank you for your vulnerability! Wishing you lots of health and happiness :)
My pleasure, Kate. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this
Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom! Burnout and chronic stress are huge issues I have always struggled with. As an individual contributor, I'm left wondering what suggestions you would offer for those of us who have less control of our work schedules, assignments, and impossible workloads due to layoffs, M&A, and "Lean" business approaches to resources, etc. Thanks.
It's a good question, and I'm not sure there is an "ideal" answer. But my attitude was to live lean, save and invest as much as possible while working, and then seek to exit the rat race as quickly as possible. It still required 15 years of hard work and sacrifice. But it paid off. There were no shortcuts other than to go through hell for a while to earn my way out of it. However, while still in the grind, I think it's essential to have a set of daily practices that help with nervous system regulation (e.g., meditation, hot yoga, nature time, time with friends or loved ones, cooking clean meals, avoiding doom scrolling). Whatever you can to stabilize your nervous system DAILY while still in a stressful career is essential to managing yourself.
Thank you for sharing your journey 💜
🙏
What a FANTASTIC article! Thank you so much for sharing, you gave me MANY incredible ideas to start implementing.
That's great to hear :)